to expound: "................."

hey.

remember years ago (i mean YEEAAARRS ago) i said i was going to do an intensive motorbike learning course and take my unrestricted test, so i could ride any bike i wanted?

well guess what i passed yesterday!

muahaha. that's right. achtung babies. ben can legally ride any bike of any size.

hopefully, i'll be picking up one of these in the next few weeks:


wooo!

=D

also, i handed in my dissertation.


i'm having a good week.

so in a bid to regain some of my sanity, and distract myself from my dissertation, i had a virtual clean up.

and i removed megatokyo from my bookmarks bar.

this is a pretty momentous occasion. i've been reading MT since close to the beginning...... but lately i'm just not interested in it. there's better stuff out there, and i think i've changed enough as a person to want a different kind of entertainment from a webcomic. or at least some better art, or more coherent storytelling.... or maybe some drama that i can relate to.

i just think it was time.

now... back to the diss!

love to all y'alls

obama pajamas.

obama jamas?

OJAMAS!

yes you heard me right.

http://www.ojamas.us/servlet/StoreFront

this just cracks me up =P.

here's an update for your faces.

ben's got the ILL. so don't be hanging around with him for the next two-to-three days, if you know what's good for you.

soup is FANTASTIC.

i'm selling my computer to my little brother so he can play SupCom and other things which require a processor, rather than a soggy cream cracker. this means no more games for ben until he can get a new shiny desktop with a 24" screen. hoo-rah.

that won't be for a while, yet.

i got a haircut.
i also shaved my beard off.
i no longer look like a hobo!

the new Star Trek online game looks absolutely fantastic. when i've got a PC, it's going to be an essential purchase.

oh, did i mention i'm ill? yep. ill as an ill thing.

it's nowt good, chappies. nowt good at awll.

RC says hi to you all.

i'm gonna go and waste some time watching youtube videos and feeling sorry for myself =P.

night.

so i'm now officially on holiday for 4 weeks.

i'm going to be working for moneyz for pretty much all of it, to pay for my new vehicle.

i've also got to fit doing my dissertation into the holiday, and doing some weaving and felt making.

busybusy!

and i'm tired. so very tired. haven't had a good night's sleep in more than two weeks now, maybe more than three. tonight's going to be the beginning of a (hopefully) continued acceptable amount of sleep.

[the rest of this post is about a bike vs. car argument i've been having with myself... ignore at your leisure].


had a visit from Jojo and Bob the other day (my mum's parents for those who didn't know)..... Jojo really really isn't keen on me getting a motorbike. *really*. which is a shame. i mean, fair enough, motorbikes are dangerous compared to cars, and i would expect a degree of worry from relatives, but yeah.
anyway, because i'm a bit like that, i've taken it to heart somewhat, and have been re-evaluating my need for a motorbike vs. a car.... the problem being i'm sick of driving a slow car (not that i didn't like the car itself, i love my micra...... it's just painfully slow), and i really want to ride a bike.
so, bearing in mind i'm still probably going to end up with a bike, i've been "half-looking" at how cheaply i could possibly get a small-but-brisk car, and i've come up with three potentials:

- Renault clio sport 172 (2001 model)
- Volkswagon golf V6 4Motion (2000 - 2001 models)
- Volkswagon polo GTI 1.6 (2002 or later)

all of which can be bought for £3k second hand, or very close, or under.
Insurance would be a rather icky £800 or so, as an average for all three... the golf being more and the polo being less. maybe even less overall if i can get my mum on the policy or something.

obviously, out of the three, the 4Motion golf is the best car by a considerable amount..... but also the hardest to find at a good price, and with low mileage. the size and type of the engine (a 2.8L V6) promotes heavy touring style driving, so people rack up thousands of motorway miles on these things.



anyway! it's all just empty contemplation really, because the money i could potentially spend on a car has been saved away for a PhD, and although Jojo and Bob really don't want me to get a bike, i don't think they'd go so far as to let me spend some of my PhD money on a car instead.

and before someone asks why i don't just get an £800 banger..... i seriously can't afford the consistent upkeep costs and time on most old cars, especially ones who's history i have no idea about. my micra was different because the family had owned it from new. spending a bit more for a newer and almost certainly more reliable car seems like a better bet, in the long run..... especially considering the fact i'd be plumping for an old hatchback or similar.

on the other foot, a '96 bike in good to excellent condition (of the model i'm looking at getting) costs between £850 and £1250.... so i could expect to have good reliability and performance for my money. and the insurance would be £100 tops (even for a 500cc bike).

so when all's said and done, the bike makes more financial sense, but tends to lose out in terms of practicality and warmth. i would enjoy it more, but i would make my grandparents worry. it's a toss-up. i want a bike a lot. but a fast car? i just don't know.

whatever happens, i think i'll still go with my plan and get a bike over the chrstmas holidays, if purely for the riding experience, and then if it doesn't necessarily work out, i can sell it for the same or more than i paid for it (they are quite desirable).

vrum vrum.

hey bra
hey mang
hey dawg
hey bro
hey mofo
hey foo
hey yo
hey doodle
hey fro
hey ho


hey joe.





hmm. i seem to have inadvertently stumbled upon Samuel Beckett.

so here's the concept.

i've recently run into two types of song.

first:

absolutely fantastic song. you listen to it and it fills your day with brilliance........ but! after listening to it a few times over a short period of time, you feel much less inclined to listen to it.

second:

not necessarily as good, and don't give you quite as much of a pleasant surge when you stick it on after not hearing it in a while..... but chances are you'll be able to listen to it over and over again.



now, the logical part of my brain says that these two kinds of song shouldn't really be so distinct, and that if you love a song, no amount of listening will tarnish it..... practically though, there's only a few songs that i love enough to merge the two kinds.



so! this leads up to a question. i'd like some of you guys to give me a short list (maybe 4 or 5 songs) which merge the two kinds.... brilliant songs which you absolutely love, but that you could listen to over and over without it losing any of its potency.

and then i'm going to find the songs, and stick them all on a CD or something.

so i've taken a little time recently (over the last two or three days) to download some music which i felt i should have again (stuff i had at home, but not at uni).... and some new stuff.

so without further ado, here's a list of what i've got... it's mostly just single tracks... brownie points go to those people who actually know most or all of the songs in the list (it's not that hard =P):

Cinerama - don't touch that dial
Radiohead - India rubber
Morrissey - Last of the famous international playboys
the Smiths - Ask
Chuck Berry - Never can tell
Elvis Presley - Such a night
Broadcast 2000 - Get up and go
Herman Dune - Going to everglades
MGMT - Time to pretend
Screamin' Jay Hawkins - I put a spell on you (the proper version!)
M.I.A. - Paper planes (remix)
the Sundays - can't be sure
the Wedding present - million miles
Jeff Buckley - dream brother
Emiliana Torrini - Fingertips (i HAD this but lost it?!)
Zero 7 - Crosses (also lost this?)
the Jesus and Mary Chain - entire discography
Kings of Leon - Only by the night

and that's about that!

wooo

oh, the windshield was broken but we love the fresh air, you know.
(Isaac Brock, 2007)

[edit] BE WARNED. LONG POST!

ah, i dunno. i don't feel right of late. if i'm honest with myself i think i'm still broken hearted (i know... crazy, right?), and my self confidence isn't all that brilliant, anymore.

and i feel so stuck here, without a car... that's part of the reason i'm pushing so hard to get this motorbike as soon as i can. i want to be able to just go for a ride, cruise through the countryside at night, and pull up to lie down in a field and look at the stars. i'm so craving that right now.

yup. still broken. i need someone to fix me. restore that self confidence.



on the bright side, i've got a lot better at the guitar recently. my playing 'by ear' has improved, i've been picking out small pieces of classical music from memory. very satisfying. also, i learnt to play four of the better songs from Radiohead's most recent album. also satisfying.

i sent off my application pack to the JET Programme yesterday, should have arrived today. very excited to hear back from them, because i had two KILLER references. very chuffed. yes siree. the application package ran to about 100 pages.... so i'm also a little bit worried that in all that HUUGE mess of paper i've made a mistake somewhere that'd void my application. HOWEVER, i'm not worrying too much, i'm more excited than anything.

My degree is going well, although i'm feeling a little intimidated by my dissertation. i'm going to spend nearly all of tomorrow doing writing for it, if i can.... i'll feel a lot better after having done some more work.

my bike test is soon. looking forward to it, because once done, i'll be able to just go and get a bike... pay for it and ride it away! can't wait.








part of the reason why i haven't been feeling great, of late, is a lack of music. about two months ago, the cable for my beautiful headphones went missing, and as a result i haven't been able to listen to anything, unless it was through my enormous speakers (not practical in the studio =P). this has had a knock on effect with my general state of mind, because i honestly cannot live without music.

to make matters more irritating, Sennheiser are refusing to admit that my model of headphones (which are still popular) even existed, because they haven't got any replacement cables. to get a new cable, i'll have to get new headphones...... and that's another £80 down the drain. eBay isn't helpful here, either.

i'll find a solution. i'm considering getting some high-quality bluetooth headphones, and leaving it at that, because they last for years and years. it's an investment in my happiness =P.


oh, also, i've done a pretty good job of not playing computer games for two months. i had a few games on warcraft 3 at the beginning of october, but that was it. craaaazy, huh?
actually, this is rather explainable..... i don't have a PS3 or XBox360 (and my PC is showing its age), so i'm a bit out of the loop, lol. i haven't got anything to play ^_^.






you know, i haven't just relaxed and done nothing except listen to a song i love, for weeks and weeks and weeks..... it's so goddamn good. i needed it SO bad, you have no idea. i'm just gonna lie here and absorb the structures of the music, and fall through layers of sound, and smile to myself.

yup. music is good.

so my car got broken into today.

my lovely little Micra.

=(.


i came home to find my car wasn't where i left it.... and i was surprised to see it about 50 yards down the road, parked on the grass next to the pavement.

someone had pulled, and bent the top half of the driver-side door away from the car, enough to prize the door open somehow.... then once inside, they'd ripped the cowling away from the ignition, and (this is where it gets a bit fuzzy) either broken through the internal steering-lock mechanism by forcing the wheel, or forced the wheel down, damaging the steering-column. (i can't remember whether the wheel has an adjustable height.... if it doesn't, they've forced the whole thing down and damaged the column).

either way the steering's fucked, the ignition works but is missing the plastic from around it... the door is bent out of shape, the driver's side door handle is loose, and the light on the roof, inside the car, was broken off.


it gets worse.... as you may recall, i mentioned in my last post that i was considering not renewing my car insurance, so i'd have an extra £450 to put towards a motorbike...... well, it ran out four days ago, and i didn't renew it. Sod's Fucking Law.

good night!

You use the transformer block from the mains adaptor to your iBook as a tiny electrical water bottle to keep your feet warm.









it's cold. lol.

so there's been happenings.

but mostly i've been being slowly absorbed by the amorphous blob that issss..... academia. (specifically my dissertation).

i've also been working quite hard at a local cafe, getting myself some cash. and from this cash, after taking money out for food and rent, i've managed to save £320 in a huge wad of tenners.

i'll be working lots more over the christmas holidays, so hopefully, if i can keep up my saving streak, i'll be able to afford to buy myself a really nice motorbike, plus safety gear, plus insurance, plus the test to ride larger engined bikes.
i've been doing research into costs, for a while now, and i've got a ballpark figure which i'll need to attain to get all of those things. about £1600. doesn't sound like much, but it'll be difficult to get there, along with paying my parents back some of what i owe them from last year.
costs broken down:
1) the bike! a Yamaha Virago XV535................. £800 ish second hand.
2) the helmet! ................................................. £100 ish.
3) jacket and gloves .................................. also £100 ish.
4) insurance ..................................................... £150 (probably less)
5) test for bigger engine ................................... £450 (including bike/safety gear hire, insurance and training sessions)

still, it's looking optimistic for vroomage. more so than ever before, what with my reasonably well paying part-time job.

i'm hardening my resolve even further by not renewing my car insurance when it runs out (on friday, lol)..... this way i'll save £450 to put towards the bike fund, and i'll have something to motivate me into not spending moneyz.

so, yeah.... things that have been on my mind recently:
- rally driving (i *may* have been practicing high speed handbrake turns the other day, lol.....huge fun? yes!)
- motorbike
- music
- my studio practice
- dissertation
- interesting ways to make money
- applications for my year in Japan
- general emotional exhaustion
- work at the cafe
- jelly
- improving my body in some way (i stopped excercising for a few weeks and the difference is noticeable, so i'm getting slowly back into a healthy simple routine before breakfast, to bring me back to a nice level of fitness)

hey all. just a quick note, as i break from rounding off my written work, due in today.

apart from a complete lack of motivation to do this uni work over the summer, i'm getting excited about this coming, and final, year. i've got some very good and complex ideas.

also, i'm going to do some weaving, as part of my work... and i built myself a loom for doing just that.

yes. i designed and build a LOOM, based on photographs from the internet. i are clever. and the internet is a wonderful resource.



i'm a bit worried about money this year, though.... so far i haven't been able to secure a summer job (despite getting several interviews), and with a month left, there's not much time. i'm going to apply to all the places in Loughborough that start recruiting seasonal staff in october (and the end of september) in the hopes of getting a term-time job to pay the bills and for food (and computer games), but i'm going to start the term at zero money, even after my loan goes in. that's a problem, really.

lots of people handle this sort of money LACK at uni..... but not many of them are doing the same degree as me..... last year i spent over £500 on the materials for just my final month of term (my final pieces). that's pretty damn insane.

anyway. job is needed. i'm actually considering working at Artform again (yeah i know) for two weeks before term starts.... so that may indicate to you just how desperate it's getting. pretty damn desperate. lol.

i'm also going to sell a few things which i don't really use (not because i feel i need to generate money, but because i need a bit of a clearout, and any money made on the side is a bonus). i've got a few handheld consoles that don't really see much use, which would fetch a couple of hundred pounds in total, so there's something. i'm not going to sell my proper consoles though, i've made that mistake before =P. i was also tempted to sell my bass guitar.

i've got a ton of stuff to sell actually, for this clearout.... so if any of you are interested in buying "ben's stuff"... er... drop me an email or something. it'll be going on eBay, so i can give you my username or whatever.

i'm hoping the bonus money from clearing out all this stuff will pay for a new computer, without me having to compromise my bank account. mine's about to pack in (it's started refusing to turn on sometimes, and it's showing its age with newer games), so i'm going to have to get one sooner or later, preferably before Starcraft 2, Diablo 3, Demigod and Red Alert 3 come out, lol.

yeah, anyway. this was just a short update. "excited about coming academic year, and planning on selling stuff to pay for a new computer" is the jist.













oh, and finally, i'm going to start researching and possibly applying for that year in Japan i was planning on doing. this is why the money has been a bit of a worry, really.... anyway, if any of you guys are aware of organisations that do teaching years in foreigh countries for Post-Grads, then please suggest away. i'm already aware of the Jet programme, so that's who i'll be looking at first. any input from you guys would be much appreciated (and yes, i know Kieran and Lucy suggested one, but i've forgotten the name).

well it's been a while.

since i last made a significant post (let's forget the "omg omg sins of a solar empire" posts) a lot has happened.

been to france, for one. been to 2 music festivalsm, for another.

france, to all those not in the know, is inhabited mostly by french people. and for a time, we were the unmentioned, other contingent. the minority that exists by implication when you say "mostly french".

that's right. we descended en-masse to the stereotypical land of wine, cigarettes, berets and good food.

and it was *joyous*.


now, the festivals. both good. lots of music. saw some bands. drooled over lots of guitars. ate some *mexican food*..... camped in a tent, danced a bit, the end.

i discovered a couple of bands/live acts which now inhabit the colossal part of my brain deemed as "music" (colossal in the sense that i have almost no other parts of my brain left to use freely). more specifically, the sub-section of that bit of brain labelled as "music i like".

so, without further ado:



the Agnostic Mountain Gospel Choir.

- not really a choir at all..... more of a four-piece stompin' blues band. absolutely killer on stage.... a frenetic mix of insanely good distorted harmonica, kickass banjo licks, deep-deep guitar and crunchy slide guitar riffs, and lighter slide guitar and accoustic thrown in. add a double bass, and a weird drum-kit setup and that's the hardware. they play fast stompy dancy blues, and the front-man-banjo-harmonica-guitar-singer-person has the most gravelly awesome voice you ever heard.



DJ Krush

- in short, the best DJ i have ever *ever* seen.... to expound a little:
sometimes you'll read about DJs of the years of yore, the proverbial colossi of the disco and dance music revolutions. the guys who were there for the beginning of house music, hiphop, punk and club dub reggae. the one thing that is consistent with the tales of those DJs was the incredible power they held to control a crowd... to really feel the mood of a room, then build everyone up, or take them down.... the music became like a complex conversation..... the people were in the hands of the DJ, and the very best of them could really play off what the crowd was feeling.
for years this just seemed like over-embelishment. DJs talking about other DJs in a way which made themselves feel important and didn't necessarily relate to the real world.
now, however, after having seen DJ Krush, i know that it isn't the case. he had his finger on the pulse of the crowd the whole time and *effortlessly* altered, tweaked, distorted, destroyed and punctuated his music in response to the hundreds of people in front of him. he was a totally flawless and incredibly complicated DJ. i have never seen anyone actually alter the music they play, to such a degree, on the fly. i was totally blown away and it would take some kind of disk-jockey-jesus to make me reconsider that he may be the best DJ alive today. he was there at the birth if trip-hop and was responsible for taking it to japan for the first time. he was there, and he has the power.


fear the DJ.

that's right, sports-fans..... i finally picked up Sins of a Solar Empire (from Game, incidentally... yes, it's released in the UK now).

i've played through one easy single player skirmish, almost to its completion..... taken about 4 or 5 hours total, because i've been learning the ropes as i go and slowly expanding, rather than being devious and taking an early win.

first impressions? very good...... very VERY good. honestly the most impressed i've been with a strategy game on playing it for the first time (yes.... even more impressed than i was with Supreme Commander).

to imagine it, imagine playing Pax Imperia through the Supreme Commander engine, in 360 degree 3D (i.e. you can easily move your point of view around - and through - the plane on which the battles take place).

it's incredibly streamlined, balanced and a lot faster and more intuitive than Pax Imperia.... but still retains some of its high-level complexity.

the ships are fantastic.



in short, buy it..... for i will no longer play any other game at LAN parties (except UT3, of course, lol)

well!

things have been happening!

i ended the second year of my degree on a mediocre note, not really sure how well i'll do, but at least i can be sure it won't be *too* bad of a mark. most likely a 2:1 overall.

uhmmm. went to Norwich a couple of weekends ago, to see Jez and get my stuff back from Louise (as well as finally give her a very expensive present i bought for her months ago, and still had lying around). seeing Jez and meeting his Norwich crew was great! fun times had by all. seeing Louise wasn't so great.... and it heftily brought me back down a few rungs of the recovery ladder, which was a bit of a bummer.

on the bright side, i discovered that someone i'd known vaguely for ages at uni was quite a bit like me, and shared a lot of the same interests..... and plays tennis! so i'm gonna get some games of tennis in soon. that should be good =).

ooh.... i've been playing my guitar in a weird tuning lately, for slide and general picking around.... it's great! the strings (from the lowest) are tuned to D-A-D-a-d-d (with an octave between each band of Ds and similarly, an octave between both As.... the high 2 strings are tuned to the same note).... so it makes a wonderful sound when strummed open.

also, i caved! yes..... for the first time since i've been at uni, i bought some "ready food" i.e. something which has already been prepared in some form... and it was: ...... POTATO SMILES. yep. i caved for potato smiles. never thought the day would come, but there it is =P.

oh, lastly, my car seems to be suffering =P. the engine is still perfect (bless its little cotton socks) and not even using any oil (which, considering it was made in 1989 is a MARVEL!).... however, the panels on the outside of the car are rusting to oblivion. the wheel arches are not long for this world! and the number plate has nearly fallen off the rusty husk which still grasps plaintively at the bolts.... *gasp*.... well anyway, i think it needs some attention. there's still life in 'er yet!

anyhoo. i'm gonna go and .... do nothing for a while. it's addictive =P.

mmmmm

i think i need to escape for a while. get my head around things a little.


unfortunately, this can't really happen until i've completed my degree. all the summers between now and that time are going to be filled (as much as i can stand) with working to bump up my student loans (and, i can imagine, the summer immediately succeeding my degree as well).


it's a shame, but i think i can stand the wait. Then, i'm gonna hightail it off to Japan, and truly escape.

going on holiday isn't enough. stuff's been building up for too long for it to make a significant dent in my mental state.

it's just...... hmm... i guess after all this time i'm still not over Louise at all.... Although, the more time passes, the more things i see which i did wrong during our relationship.
(one problem with being able to remember conversations word for word is that they tend to haunt you, inviting you to replay them in your head and analyse all that you said which was the wrong thing at the wrong time).

so now, against my own better judgement, i've become my own scapegoat. huff... how ironic.



music helps. i have had a period of drought since my iPod was stolen, and being without it leaves me an almost empty husk, as shallow as that sounds...... i need music to be happy. i need it to live. good music. original music. interesting music. cultural music. none of that manufactured crap that people seem so willing to churn out. it's NOT what your soul craves and it DOESN'T enrich you or lift you up. I need stuff that's REAL. so that's exactly what i've been listening to.


as of yet i haven't had the chance to hear Portishead's new album, but i've had good reviews from people who's opinions i trust... so i think i'll get it on blind faith.





and to finish:
i saw WEEN a week ago for the first time. some of you may have heard of them, possibly through me, but they remain one of the most challenging, original, dark, humorous, and rewarding bands i can put a name to (not to mention noisy, when they want to be), and have been my personal favourite band since i can remember.

i was pretty awed the whole way through, and it didn't sink in until yesterday, really, that i had actually seen them. seen their *faces*.... seen them *play*.... it was fantastic. i didn't care that they finished early. i didn't care that Gene Ween's voice was a little crackly for the first song or two..... i didn't care at all, because they were Ween, and i love them.

and i *saw* them.

incidentally, i suck at prank calls.

we (as in, a group of people from uni) just made a prank call, and when it lost impetus, and the game seemed up, i felt duty-bound to apologise to the person on the other end, rather than keep in character.

needless to say, it kinda spoilt the whole thing.

so yeah, never ask me to prank call anyone, it won't end well.

ok really... wtf

yesterday:

faceplant fence post, get gash on chest and hole in knee at the same time, three stitches in face. (also tear up perfectly decent pair of jeans in the process)

parking ticket!!!!!!! in leicester. (unfair)


today:

fell off bike, big hole in hand and chinned the road as well. as a result, grazed chin and aching jaw/arm/shoulder.



*sigh*

i got stitches! woooo!

in my FACE! WOOOO!

oh i'm so happy. i'm gonna give them all names.


anyway, i'm gonna disappear now and try to have a shower without getting my face wet =S. joy of joys.

later cats.